Jokes & Funnies

[BorderReiver]

 

[Saint-Just]

I saw my dwarf neighbour standing at the bus stop this morning so I stopped...



I said, "Jump in! I'll give you a lift!"

"Fuck off!" he said.

I thought to myself, "What an ungrateful shit", so I zipped up my backpack and kept walking home.

 

[Beachlover]

 

[Andylaser]

 

[Andylaser]

 

[Jaggededge]

I'm owed thousands.

 

[Beachlover]

 

[MaC]

 

[Saint-Just]

 

[BorderReiver]

 

[MaC]

 

[MaC]

After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said,

"Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but every night I got to sleep with a hot 23-year-old girl.

Now... I have a $750,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 73-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman.

She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great?

They really know how to solve an old guy's problems!

 

[5teep]

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.
You can't tell me that's just a coincidence.

 

[5teep]

 

[Beachlover]

 

[Beachlover]

 

[Beachlover]

 

[5teep]

 

[MaC]

Always said their spaces were too damned tight.

 

[5teep]

 

[BorderReiver]

View attachment 966

And those two look wider than the punters' spaces.

 

[BorderReiver]

 

[BorderReiver]

But not white.

 

[Beachlover]

 

[BorderReiver]